An Unexpected Visitor
by HomeSkiletBiskit
Summary: Your favorite assassination squad learns to expect the unexpected when Bel finds a visitor wandering through the Varia grounds. After claiming to be a friend of Lussuria's coming to stay the weekend, the rest of the Varia have to endure the insufferable banter of their guest. No pairings. My first fanfic, please tell me what you think. Thank You!
1. An Unexpected Meeting

'Ello! It's HSB here with my first story! It's KHR ,clearly, and I'll try my best to keep them as IC as possible. Please leave reviews helping me to revise, even flames are welcome! Enjoy~!

Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY KHR CHARACTERS, THEY ARE THE PROPERTY OF AMANO AKIRA!

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**An Unexpected Visitor**

It is a normal day in the mansion-by Varia standards of course. Lussuria is in the kitchen cooking lunch, Xanxus is in his office lounging around as per usual, Levi ,being the ever-loyal guard dog, is guarding said office, Squalo is probably off yelling at some unfortunate subordinates, Mammon is counting out their latest finances, and Bel is currently wandering the castle grounds seeking entertainment.

The resident prince had been bored for the past week. He hasn't been able to go out on missions due to the broken ankle he's nursing, and has finally run out of suitable entertainment.

So he does what any fifteen -year-old psychotic prince would do-he stabs wildlife. So far three squirrels, four birds, and thirteen frogs (A/N: pre-meditated irony) have been victimized by the boy's unique knives.

Bel walks along a small stream hunting down his newest quarry, a small white bunny that could have come straight from Alice and Wonderland. Seldom does he make a noise, coming from years of assassination experience. He is within three meters of the rodent when a slight flickering catches it's attention and causes it to leap away in fear.

The prince curses under his breath as he loses sight of the animal. Continuing in the direction he last saw his prey, he soon hears the distinct notes of a soft tune.*

The teenager follows the sound until he distinguishes a small yet ample figure. Quickly ducking behind a tree to avoid being seen, he takes a closer look at the individual.

She-as he notes-is well on in years, appears in her mid-sixties. A blue scarf is wrapped around her shoulders, covering the top half of a light pink flower print dress. She wore white stockings with a matching pair of loafers.

This wouldn't be a surprising get-up if she were in town, but her surroundings were vastly different at the moment. The Varia Castle was at least a dozen kilometers deep into a thick forest, with countless dangers. Yet here she was, less than half a kilometer from the base, singing a song as content as can be.

"Hello there young man,"

Bel was awaken from his reminiscing, as the old woman hailed them.

"Huh?"

"I was just strolling along to visit some old friends, and here you are cute as a button~," she continued.

Bel, who had regained his senses, replied-if not a bit rudely, "Ushishi~ What do you think you're doing here, no one wants any visitors old hag."

The elderly visitor seemed oblivious to the other's rude attitude "Do you think you could direct me the rest of the way?"

Bel pondered over this question for a moment. He could send the woman on her way, like a kind gentlemen, but that would be too merciful. So he decided to bring her to headquarters to use for target practice.

Prince the Ripper put on his unparalleled Cheshire cat grin and said, "Ushishishishi~ absolutely!"

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*song: Forest Elves - Cry of the Forest

I may have put the wrong tenses in there so I'll try and do only past tense from here on out.

So please R&R, as I try to find an updating pattern. :P


	2. An Unexpected Welcome

'Ello HSB is back again with chapter two! I wanted to let you know that _thoughts_ are in italics. Also I don't think that Bel has thoughts in third-person, actually take that back, I bet he does but I think it would seem overexaggerated if I did it in the story. Well anyways, read on, and tell me your thoughts on it!

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters. All rights belong to Amano Akira.

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**An Unexpected Welcome**

Belphegor definitely wasn't an idiot. No matter how much he wanted to execute the ever joyful elder, there was no point in leading her directly to the front door. I mean imagine the trouble he could get in if she's bugged. There's no such thing as too careful when you're a Mafioso.

So instead he decided it to be best to take her around to the side of the glorious manor to finish off the disturbance.

"Oh dear~ Where is the front door? I'd hate to be late, ~."

"Ushishishi~ there'll be no need for punctuality where you're heading," he sneered while simultaneously pulling a few knives seemingly out of thin air.

For a second, panic flashed in her deep chocolate irises, but soon turned to mirth. Pretty soon she was laughing out loud (A/N: Because LOLing is too mainstream ) in the boy's face.

"How dare you laugh at a prince? Prepare to die," he pulled his arm back into launching position, "you're past due anyways," he added with a smirk.

But before Bel's arm could move a centimeter, an all too familiar voice rang out from the window above them.

"Ooooh! ~ Hello Oma-chan! I've been expecting you, dear! ~"

Bel stood frozen on the spot. No way. No FREAKING way was his prey really the Gaylord's visitor. _Hmmm, this __**is**__ Lussuria, if he said that he had a friend who was well into her sixties yesterday I wouldn't doubt him in the slightest_, Bel thought .He contemplated killing her anyways. It's not like he cared about the man's feelings anyways. Honestly, the only thing that stopped him was the fact that the flamboyant man cooked all of his meals. Well, that, and Lussuria just used his enhanced reflex speed to get down here in literal seconds.

Omari greeted him, "It's so nice to see you again Luss honey! This young man was just escorting me in, and my, would you look at his sweet little toys! ~"

No she didn't!

"Well you know those boys, always showing off! ~" Lussuria completely brushed it off.

"Ushishishishishi~ how about I shove my 'toys' up both of your-"

"Come on~ I made your favorite, biscotti and tea! ~," Lussuria interrupted.

"That sounds delightful!"

Bel watched as they began to walk towards the backdoor. _Ha! No one ignores the prince and lives_, he thought. He finally flung the three intricately carved knives straight into-thunk!- the wall.

-_- wtf?(Belphegor)

Well, it looks as if by some stroke of fortune the two decided it appropriate to stop and admire the rose crawling all over the brick wall to their right.

Oblivious to the now fuming teen, the two began their merry trot to the kitchen. That left Bel plotting to exterminate the old bug that is ruining his weekend_. Too bad, Lussuria will probably protect her with his heart and soul if she's really his friend. It looks as if the prince will need some extra help then. Boss? I'd probably get the better half of my butt shot off just for asking. Levi? Ew, I wouldn't even want his help! Mammon? Too expensive, his assistance fee is 500 euro per hour. Squalo?_ _Yeah, he'd probably be as annoyed as I am with her._

Bel physically nodded in affirmation as he came to his final decision. He then began running in the direction of the training room.

"Ushishishi~ time to go hunting for a shark!"

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That's it! I honestly think that this chapter is a bit better. I finally decided to just have the entire story in whatever-tense. Funny looks like I can't even stick to a tense. -_-

Well tips/flames, however you phrase them are always welcome in the comments. I'm curious to see how many reviews I get, not a lot of people writing for KHR these days ya' know.

Don't forget to R&R, bye-bi! ~


	3. An Unexpected Partner In Crime

'Ello! Chapter three is finally here! It took me a week of writer's block to get the last half of it together. I warn you, it may be a little cheesy, but you'll get the gist.

Disclaimer: If I owned KHR it would be centered on the Varia and Millefiore! But that's an IF so until then DON'T SUE!

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**An Unexpected Partner in Crime**

Beads of sweat droplets slowly fell onto the floor of the training room. The entire room was emptied save the agile swordsman. Thump. Thump. Thump. The training dummies fell rapidly as they were shot down. Over and over they were claimed by the glorious blade.

The blade was one thing, but the owner put a whole new meaning to swordsmanship that would forever be etched onto his body. The price for such expertise was quite literally engraved into his skin, or rather his stump. For a swordsman to cut off his own hand to reach the top was the epitome of dedication. Superbi Squalo, the man who paid the ultimate sacrifice to secure his standing as the best of the best.

That great warrior was also paying the ultimate sacrifice of having about four feet of 'loyalty hair'. It was the last week of spring and the heat was definitely making an early display. The AC in the training room cut out about halfway through his routine. Furthermore, even with every window in the expanse open for the breeze, that honestly did nothing , temperatures inside were touching a hundred degrees Fahrenheit . Or so it seemed. When you've been doing basic cardio for several hours, have four feet of hair that even in a ponytail drags down your back, and have been residing in a compact space the entire time, seventy degrees feels like a hundred, damn it!

So all in all, the warmth wasn't making Squalo exactly chipper at the moment. Yet his sour mood somehow degraded even more when he saw a lean figure approaching him. Bel.

"Hey Squ-chan~,"

_If you ignore it, it will go away_, the swordsman thought. He continued slicing and dicing the cheap mannequins with swift strokes of the arm.

"Squ-Squ~!"

_When did I get these ridiculous nicknames in the first place_, the swordsman again wondered. Nonetheless, he continued his workout in hopes that by some stroke of fortune the teenager would grow bored and leave him alone.

Now Bel was getting really irritated. He, a prince may I remind you, was being ignored by someone of lower standard, again! He spotted a stray arm from one of Squalo's many targets. "Ushishishishi~,"

Thunk!

"Squalo!"

"VOOOOOIIIIII, get lost brat!"

Well, he tried.

"Ushishishi~, now that your attention is focused on the prince, he has a request."

Ugh, training was going to have to wait. Once Bel wants something he'll either get it, or kill you trying.

"What do you want, brat?" His sour mood was increasing by the minute.

"There is an elderly peasant invading the prince's space. She took no notice of his threats, and now must die."

Squalo began massaging his temples. "And why do you think I care? Do it on your own."

Bel began, "Ushishishi~ I don't come looking for peasant help unless it's necessary, Squ. Lussuria is-"

"SQUALO~" Both assassins stood stock still as if, if they didn't move the owner of the voice wouldn't see them. Yeah, tough chance of that.

Lussuria popped up less than two feet away from the pair. Along with him was, of course, Omari-the walking dead.

Though before Lussuria could even begin with his over exaggerated introductions, the old woman lost her mind as she caught sight of Squalo's luscious locks.

"Oh my~, What beautiful hair you have honey! It's so well-managed. You must have a partner of sorts to impress. Is this him," she gestured towards Bel, "Hmm, he is a bit young. But alas, no man could dare ignore your presence, age aside."

The anger or indignation soon filtered the swordsman's face a deep shade of red. It took all he had not to immediately slay her for the comments on his misguided gender.

The self-proclaimed prince on the other hand, was forcing himself to keep a straight face. The pure hilarity of a seemingly calm elderly citizen telling the most feared swordsman on the planet that his hair would have every man lusting after 'her', had the assassin in near tears.

Thankfully, before either gentlemen's face exploded, Omari moved onto a different subject walking past the two tomato faces. She slowly took in the surrounding area with a gasp.

"These mannequin pieces have turned the place into an absolute mess! Temper tantrums are not very lady-like at all." A vein twitched, foretelling a coming outburst. "If you're trying to be artful, I suggest that you be a bit more clean-cut with that blade of yours. Grace is a virtue."

"VOOIIII!" There was only so much offense one could take to their character before drawing the line. Squalo's line was when you insulted his life dedication, swordsmanship.

"I'll show you grace!" Bel watched as the three foot blade began its arc. He had been on enough missions with Squalo to mentally make out the exact course it was going to take.

The sword would begin approximately three inches from her neck, travel through her torso, and exit out of her upper hip. The perfect oblique.

Squalo's sword stopped mid-swing when a earth shattering tune was heard coming from someone in the room.

_~You. Make. Me. _

_Feel like I'm livin' a,_

_Teenage. Dream._

_The way you turn me on._

_I. Can't. Sleep._

_Let's run away and,_

_Don't ever look back._

_Don't ever look back.~_

Everyone in the room paused at the voice emitting throughout the room.* The melody continued for a few seconds before Lussuria stopped shaking his hips and pulled out his phone to turn off his alarm.

_He never ceases to amaze me with his infinite gayness, _Bel thought while shaking his head.

"Ooh~ Oma-chan, it looks like our biscotti are done baking!" Lussuria announced. Little did he know that those Italian pastries just saved his guest's life.

Lussuria and Omari walked back towards the kitchen, animatedly discussing whether they should have coffee or tea with their snack.

As the door to the training room shut, the two dumbfounded assassins stood in the heated chamber. The entire fiasco that had previously ensued left them waiting for the other to speak first, if only to hide the humiliation in conversation.

Eventually it was Squalo to break the almost pleasant silence between the two.

"Voii, Bel…"

"Mmm." Bel responded.

"It's time to plan that crone's demise," the long-haired man finished with an evil smirk fit for Hollywood.

"Ushishishishi~!" What better a way to respond? Everything worked out perfectly.

It was suiting in Bel's mind that Lussuria interrupted him; after all, a prince shouldn't have to do a peasant's work of convincing his new partner in crime.

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*I can completely imagine Luss listening to Katy Perry - Teenage Dream

That's chapter three for ya! A bit longer than I expected, but I guess it's fine. I really wanted to get Squalo's character right since he's my favorite! Don't worry, hopefully Mammon, Xanxus, and Levi(if you cared) will get a proper introduction in the next chapter or so!

Sooooo don't forget to drop a review on your way out!

Until next time, this is HSB signing out. ~


	4. An Unexpected Ripple in the Plan

'Ello! HSB is back again with another installment of An Unexpected Visitor. First off, I would like to thank everyone (Frenda-sama & A Tiny Princess and any others who do so after I post this) for the wonderful reviews. You never know how much they really help an author out. So let's get right to it, shall we?

Disclaimer: Not all wishes come true, so don't own don't sue!

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**An Unexpected Ripple in the Plan**

Squalo sat in the Belphegor's room. It was in fact the most cluttered room in the Varia mansion, and he hated it. Clothes were strewn about haphazardly, knives were protruding from random places in the walls, and the black and red color scheme was giving him a headache. But what hit the swordsman the hardest where the half-written reports piled upon the desk in the corner.

Countless wine glasses had made their way onto his head because of those unfinished papers.

However this irritation was lost on the owner, who was currently pacing back and forth on the red Peruvian carpet.

Bel was currently plotting in that twisted, yet ingenious, mind of his.

_This will be simple. Nothing but a mundane task for a prince! Ushishishi~! First I will get Squalo to make a distraction, something that will send Lussuria head over heels, and leave that wretched old woman somewhere alone for a long time. Ushishishi~! And then, I will lead her away to somewhere nice and private where no one can hear her screams of terror. Ushishishi~!_

Soon enough, Bel has stopped pacing and is laughing aloud. "Ushishishi~!"

The noise brings Squalo back from his exasperated musing in a chain reaction.

"Voi! What are you laughing about?! You got an idea or what? This room smells like dead bodies and I want to hurry up and get out!"

"Ushishishi~, yes the prince has an idea." Bel sniggered, and threw a knife towards Squalo for the insult to his room.

The swordsman easily dodged the half-hearted projectile. "Tsk, just tell me the plan so we can get this over with."

Bel finally decided to confide in Squalo, eager to eradicate the invading old lady. The swordsman listened to the plan with a quizzical look upon his features.

After all was said he questioned, "Voii, what kind of distraction."

"Ushishishi~!"

xXxXxXxX*Later*xXxXxXxX

Lussuria was leading Omari around the mansion attempting to find an available guest room in the mansion that was near his. They were vigorously discussing the latest news in pop culture.

"Mou~, did you hear that Kim Kardashian is getting married."

"Again?" Omari gasped at this new information.

"Mhm," Lussuria brought out a magazine as reference, then continued gossiping. "See it says right here that this is her tenth marriage."

"My, what a dirty little girl! Granting she's not as bad as Miley Cyrus, did you hear?" She asked with a smile.

The flamboyant man shook his head, extremely curious.

"Well, I do believe that she's under the illusion that she is of a different ethnic background."Omari said with a knowing look.

Luss' jaw dropped to the ground. "You mean that Miley thinks she's bl-,"

"VOIII! Lussuria!" A booming male voice resonated through the walls.

The gossipers stopped in search of the voice that seemed to be coming from every direction.

"Idiotic prince, this is such a stupid plan…having the Sword Emperor running through the halls…"The source of the declaration was seen walking across the hall, not five yards from the pair.

The owner of the voice was, you guessed it, Superbi Squalo; but I assure you that you didn't guess his reason for seeking out the Muay Thai expert and his companion.

Squalo stalked up to Omari to give her a sneer before turning his attention to Lussuria.

"Voii, Luss I need your help with something."

"Mou~, is it important? I'm busy escorting Oma-chan to her room." He asked, reluctant to leave his guest to do manual labor.

_Oh you'll want to leave her for this_, Squalo thought.

He took a deep breath. "I want you to give me a makeover." With those eight words, every inch of his pride went out the window with an 'F-You'.

"-" **I'm sorry the squeals being emitted by this character have reached a pitch over 20,000Hz and cannot be heard by the human ear. Please use your imagination to fill in the audio.**

Lussuria cleared his throat, why? I have no clue, it's not like it will get any deeper. "Of course, Squ, this way~!"

Squalo took a quick look beyond Lussuria to make sure Bel was ready. Sure enough, the sinister prince was standing at the end of the hall so that Omari was blocked in from both sides.

"Alright, let's go," Squalo announced with an air of finality.

"Go where, trash?" A gruff voice sounded from somewhere behind Squalo.

Everyone in the immediate vicinity froze. Well, most of them froze, Omari just stood there grinning like Bambi in the spring.

Squalo began, "Voi, Xanxus-Argh!"

The addressed man smashed an ever present wine glass onto the speaker. He then proceeded to grab a handful of Squalo's silver locks and marched in the direction of his office.

"Voi! Let me go! I'm in the middle of something!" The swordsman screamed and struggled but to no avail, Xanxus had a death grip.

"Mou~ that would have been fun," Lussuria pouted. "Well, I think that they should have Miley and Lindsey talk to each other about their problems."

"That would be beneficial for their mental health." Omari responded without missing a beat.

They continued their chat as if nothing interrupted them in the first place, and merrily skipped away to find Omari's room.

Bel stood and watched as his plan rotted away in a matter of seconds.

A certain illusionist silently witnessed this entire fiasco from behind Bel without him ever noticing; he decided now to be the best time to make his presence known.

"So what was that all about?"

The distraught teen smiled and said through gritted teeth, "Squalo and the prince have been trying to exterminate the old lady peasant, but she refuses to die."

"Wow, Bel. So you've gone to offing innocent old women to relinquish your blood thirst. Mu~ I bet Squalo you still had a few months to go…"Mammon said indifferently.

"Ushishishi~, you won't think she's that innocent when you find out she's staying free of charge." Bel certainly knew how to get under a person's skin.

"Send me her bank account numbers when you're done," the Arcobaleno answered coldly.

"Ushishi~, but you see Mammon, the man-woman peasant is guarding her, and the prince refuses to go hungry while he's mourning."

"So you need my help…?"

Bel nodded to confirm.

"I suppose I could spare some time if her bank account will advance my profit. But this service will still come with an hourly fee," he warned.

"Five-hundred euros." Bel pulled a Cheshire cat grin as he whipped out a handful of notes, which where swiftly accepted by the greedy infant.

"So tell me Bel, what kind of plan was that?" the illusionist asked with a mocking smile.

xXxXxXxX~Xanxus' Office~xXxXxXxXxXx

Xanxus pulls Squalo by his hair all the way to his office where he throws him in the chair adjacent to his desk. Squalo mumbles something about root damage when his boss cuts him off.

"Where have you been, scum? I've been calling you for the past hour." Straight to business, eh?

"Voi, I was busy!" Squalo answers indignantly.

"Ha! Doing what? You work for me, shark." Xanxus pours himself a glass of his handy-dandy tequila.

Squalo retaliates with a bit more composure this time, but avoids eye contact.

"I'm off duty, ya jerk!" Hey, I said 'composure' not maturity.

His boss responds in a slightly softer tone, "Not for me."

He reaches out to grasp a few strands of hair that found their way to his desk; he then runs his fingers through them somewhat affectionately.

They sit there contently for a few minutes, just enjoying each other's presence.

Xanxus breaks the silence with a question.

"So what were you doing anyways?"

"I was just helping Bel off this old lady," he says casually, while observing a few split ends.

Xanxus just stares at his second-in-command for one, two, three beats, and says…

"Trash,"

"Hm?" he Squalo responds, still preoccupied.

"Get out."

xXxXxXxXxX~Back to Bel and Mammon~xXxXxXxXxXx

Bel has just finished relating his not-so-brilliant plan to Mammon, and he now sits waiting for the analysis of the failed plan from the hooded infant. The illusionist is one of those people where however smart you think they are, they're just one IQ point higher; the same can be said for Bel at times. So it made since that not only were they partners when they went on missions, but Mammon is one of the very few people that Bel could go to for advice.

After a few seconds of musing, the Arcobaleno finally has an answer to the prince's unasked question.

"There's a flaw in your strategy."

Bel reaches over and hands him a few euros.

"What?" He asks, somewhat nervous on the verdict.

His question was answered with another question.

"What made you think that she wouldn't just follow Lussuria?"

Belphegor then proceeded to bang his head on the wall in frustration for not smoothing out this infinitesimal ripple in the plan.

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Whoo-hoo! Chapter four is done! The ending was a little anti-climactic, but I have a really good idea for the next chapter, and I don't want to do something that will signify the rising action before I put it up. It will be 'almost' purely for laughs.

Also three cheers for the introduction of Mammon and Xanxus! I can't just leave Mammon out of the little 'get rid of Omari' charade. Annnnnd, I had to slide a pinch of XS in there. *cough* my OTP *cough*

Weeelllll, that's all for today, look out for chapter five in the next coming week. It will probably come out on Thursday, unless I get into a major writing frenzy this Saturday.

Thanks to all who reviewed the story, I really appreciate it. Don't forget to drop a review on the way out!

Until next time with an equally drawn out closing, this is HSB typing out~


	5. An Unexpected Viewpoint

'Ello! Quick question for all those willing to answer wtf does 'dps' mean? A guest commented that on one of my Hetalia fanfics and I have no idea what they were referring to. So let me know down in the comment/review section if I'm an idiot and it's obvious, or if that person was just a psycho who made up words. Either way is fine with me!

Disclaimer: Not all dreams come true, so don't own don't sue!

Yeah, that's gonna get annoying. ^^^

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**An Unexpected Viewpoint**

It was the next day, a Saturday, and your favorite little assassins are, to Squalo's dismay, in Bel's anti-hygienic room. Hour three of planning had rolled by in the deep like Adele, and they still didn't have a plan. They were beginning to give up and just wait it out when another idea came from the knife-throwing teenager that is, Belphegor.

Their resident shark was the first to comment.

"Bel, that's a strangely brilliant idea."

"Agreed, a concept so simple, yet so complex just might work," Mammon added.

"Ushishishi~ Peasants should never doubt the prince."

Squalo rolled his eyes, "Alright, let's do this."

With that said, everyone left the room to go their separate ways. It was a key part of the plan to act normal.

_What was this magnificent strategy that Bel discovered you ask? _

Easy.

K.O.S.*

~Omari~

Oh, I woke up this morning feeling so refreshed! A hike through the woods is so much work on these old bones. Ah, anything to give my darling Lussuria some decent company. Speaking of decent company, it was anything but, at breakfast this morning.

There was this man, Xanxus I think, drinking at the dining table. Preposterous! Where did the manners go? I'd just about lost it if I wasn't so absorbed in the lovely breakfast of butternut squash crepes. My favorite!

Also, at the dinner table, there was another very tall man introduced to me by the name of Leviathan. Quite a peculiar fellow. He was really absorbed in his 'bossu'? Not to mention that fashion suicide of a hairdo. Ah, but to each his own.

My~ too bad that lovely swordswoman wasn't there; she definitely could have used a lesson in mannerisms. You see, if her inelegance with a sword was anything to go by, she desperately needed it. *Sigh* Luss told me that she ate earlier and was out jogging.

Actually, now that I think about it, I didn't see the baby or teenage boy at mealtime either. Hmph, how disorderly to not eat as a proper family should, together.

After eating, I began to walk back to the kitchen to prepare something for when they finally come down. I was in the fridge when I looked up to see the boy with the long bangs.

The entire affair was pretty bizarre. Here's how it went:

Bel walked into the kitchen late that morning. Usually he wouldn't dare miss a chance to have those delectable strawberry pancakes Lussuria made him every Saturday, but hunting Omari had taken a lot out of him; and what better way to salvage his weekend than to sleep in for a bit?

He gazed around the kitchen reaching under the white t-shirt coupled with a pair of striped sleeping pants to scratch his stomach. Lazy pale grey orbs suddenly focused on a pair of white loafers peeking out from underneath the fridge. Soon a wrinkled face popped up from behind the door.

"My~ There you are! I was making you a snack since you missed breakfast dear-oops!"

There was the distinct sound of a glass breaking.

"Oh dear! There go my preserves."

But, Bel was already on the move. A fan of knives in each hand and bloodlust in his eyes, it only took a few seconds. Draw. Aim.

Fire!

About twelve projectiles where headed straight towards her face. A magnificent Cheshire smile spread across the teen's features. _It's too late now,_ _bye-bi~!_

In the blink of an eye, she was down…

~Omari~

I almost dropped another glass. My~ you couldn't imagine my frustration at missing the first. A second one wasn't going down without permission, and that's that. I quickly bent to catch it before it shattered.

When I stood back from where I was, it was to see the teen standing there like he'd seen a ghost!

"Oh honey~ is there something wrong, you look like you've seen a ghost."

"Ushishishi~ stay away from the prince."

Poor thing was trying to smile, but he just kept stepping back real slowly. Was shaking like a Chihuahua too!

"I made you some-"

Oh~ I couldn't even finish my sentence before he jetted out of there like squirrel on fire. So I just left some sandwiches on the table for when the baby would come down. Normally, I wouldn't be so careless, but Lussuria told me that he can hold his own perfectly well. Something about Arco-pacifier curses.

Following that disaster, (I had to pick a dozen knives out of the wall for some strange reason.) me and Luss decided to go out and have a special treat, in celebration of my visit. Shopping has always gotten me from thinking too much on things.

We went to tons of stores! There were dresses and hair products galore piling up in our porter's arms. It was something akin to 4:30 when we decided to head back.

Oh! I almost forgot! I finally got to see that silver-headed swordswoman. It wasn't too long after our arrival. We decided to get a couple hair products from a store called Bedhead. The name bewilders me, but the products are great!

I went down an aisle to fetch some shampoo when I saw her:

Like Bel, Squalo too was trying to enjoy his Saturday. It was technically, their only real free day because missions were never scheduled. Moreover, he decided that the best way to truly enjoy it was to stay out of the house; and boy did he avoid that house.

His day began with him waking up BEFORE the crack of dawn. Old people generally get up extremely early; so if you can't beat them, try harder, and then beat them. He snatched a bagel and left a note (very carefully) on Lussuria's door saying that he would be out jogging. He did not need a possible transvestite tracking him down.

He stayed out all day long jogging, yelling, eating, waving his sword around, yelling, glaring at old people, and what else…oh yeah, yelling. He was doing a pretty good job relishing his weekend while simultaneously staying away from his home.

That is until he made the mistake of stopping to get some more shampoo.

He could have stolen somebody else's or used body wash, heck! To avoid her he would just rinse! But of course, he felt obligated to pamper his hair with expensive lathers.

_Dumb Blonde or Superstar…? Well, I guess I could just get both and not have to come back here for a while…_

He was in deep thought when an earthshattering squeal erupted a few meters away from him.

"Oh~, I found you! Look at you, looking as fabulous as ever. Although high reaching heels would go better with those jeans."

In a heartbeat, Squalo was in assassin mode. He pulled his sword out of nowhere (he really knows how to conceal that thing) and started slashing at Omari. It was all a blur for a few seconds. Then he stepped back to observe the carnage.

"Whew! Darling~ you've really improved your poise. I thought you hit me for a second there!"

She stood there dabbing at her forehead with a handkerchief, as Squalo stood there in disbelief.

~Omari~

Oh dear~ it happened again. She's just standing there looking at me like there's a hippo doing the watusi on my shoulder. Couldn't be quiet with it though. The entire store cringed when she screamed out 'Voi', I think, with a couple sailor words that she definitely shouldn't be familiar with.

I just sighed when she turned away quickly walking towards the exit, shampoo forgotten. Oh well, I'll ask Luss later on.

-Dinnertime-

We had a lot of meat for dinner. I think it was that Xanxus man's doing, too. So troubling he is~. I decided to balance it out with pasta, so it wasn't so unbearable. Also do you know what he was doing again? Guess. He was drinking!

The liver failure and cirrhosis will be agonizing for him, and I let him know!

In response he winded his arm back like he was going to throw the glass in his hand. Thankfully, it looks like he thought better and began to lower his drink. To promptly splash the liquid into my face from across the table, and laugh.

Well I'll have you know, I was never one to reject a fight! I picked up an extra salad plate, and launched it Frisbee-style directly towards his face.

It would have been a beautiful shot had it not been for Leviathan getting in the way. He jumped across Xanxus' front, effectively blocking the dish, and fell away to reveal a rude smirk. Never have I ever!

I would not sink down to his level and a look at Levi confirmed that.

"Oh deary~ let me get you a napkin and some ice."

I've dealt with some ill-mannered people in my day, but he was ridiculous! With one last fleeting glance for guilt (there was none), I turned around to get an icepack from the kitchen. I do believe that I've bruised a rib of his.

I walked into the kitchen to find a fantastic surprise, the baby:

After hearing about what happened, from the shell-shocked prince, Mammon chose to give the scene of the crime a quick look. He believed that Bel was just sluggish in the morning and that Omari wasn't really 'sonic speedy'. But the prince's condition was enough reason to investigate.

He was just checking the refrigerator area for trap doors when the old woman entered, smelling distinctly of tequila.

_Time for my illusions to get rid of this good-for-nothing leech_, he thought with a tiny smile.

~Omari~

I was really startled when a strange noise emitted from the small child. I got on my knees to crawl closer and search for a solution to his distress. Now that I think back, Levi's pain was by no means on my agenda at this point. Sorry hun~!

When I got nearer, a funny look came over his face, and he looked to be…straining? By now I began to get an idea of the problem. I sniffed the air. No odor yet. Although, that could be the alcohol clouding these aged senses.

Soon, he started throwing tissue and confetti at me from under his little cloak. I took this as a final distress signal.

Poor thing needed to be changed.

-That Night-

Ah~ what a day! It was a blend of interest, wonder, joy, upset, and finally sanitation. I promise to you, that there's never a dull moment in this castle. I'd truly love to stay forever! *sigh* Too bad I'm leaving tomorrow evening. I've really taken pleasure in seeing the Vongola Famiglia's elite independent assassination squad from a wonderful new viewpoint!

* * *

*If you were wondering, KOS means 'Kill On Sight'

OH SNAP! PLOT TWIST! I've always wanted to say that.

If you've read this entire thing I applaud you. My word count is nearly at 2,000. This has probably been my favorite chapter to write. I really hope you liked it! Tell everyone you know if you did. And most importantly…

Don't forget to drop a review on your way out!

They are indeed adored and appreciated.

This is HSB typing out~


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